Why Can Toxic Positivity Be So Harmful?

Toxic optimism can lead to the suppression of negative emotions, the minimisation of loss, and the forced maintenance of a false sense of enjoyment in the face of genuine suffering.

Some of the blame may lie with you, as you may have brought it upon yourself. By always looking on the bright side of things, one can give off the image of being perpetually cheerful. Nonetheless, it may also be the consequence of external pressure, such as when people tell a mourning person to "move on" or "look for a positive in their loss."

What Exactly Is This Dangerous Positivity?

Toxic positivity is a school of thought that urges its followers to maintain an upbeat disposition no matter how bad things get. One style of life is to focus solely on good energy. Although practising optimism and positive thinking has its advantages, poisonous positivity encourages people to ignore or suppress negative emotions in favour of projecting a happy, often phoney facade. Positive thinking and an optimistic outlook have its advantages.

It is well-known that a positive outlook on life has positive effects on one's state of mind. The difficulty is that not everything is progressing favourably in life. Each and every one of us has to deal with painful emotions and harrowing experiences. Although these emotions aren't always pleasant, they're essential to having an open and honest conversation about what's going on in your life.

When optimism is taken to an extreme, it can be harmful. This viewpoint doesn't just stress the need of optimism; it also downplays and rejects the existence of any human emotions that aren't purely positive.

Different Varieties Of Poisonous Positivity

There is a dizzying variety of ways that good vibes might show up in the world. If you're looking for some examples that could apply to your own life, here are a few:

• When something bad happens to you, like losing your job, people are eager to tell you to "just be positive" or "look on the bright side." The commenter probably means well, but they could be trying to shut you up about the challenges you're encountering.
• It's common to hear the phrase "everything happens for a reason" after a terrible event has taken place in your life. These are statements that are often said not only because their hearers feel they would bring comfort, but also as a way to escape taking responsibility for another person's pain.
• You may have heard the phrase "happiness is a choice" used as a comeback to someone who has expressed feelings of sadness or despair.

When people don't know what to say or how to demonstrate empathy, they often say things like this out of goodwill. Still, we can't ignore the fact that these reactions may have unintended results.

Even at their best, such phrases seem like trite platitudes meant to absolve you of responsibility and protect you from the discomfort of dealing with the feelings of others. These kinds of statements, at their worst, end up blaming and condemning people who are already dealing with really difficult situations.

The Impact That Negative Thinking Has On Your Relationships

It's not natural for most people to bring up melancholy or uncomfortable topics, and when we do, we may fumble our delivery. Although it is common for humans to make blunders, it is essential to watch your reaction when someone wants to confide in you. Sometimes we try to cheer someone up by lavishing them with poisonous positivism, but this usually backfires since they stop talking.

If we return to the situation in which you received a devastating diagnosis, a buddy may be unloading on you about their own feelings of fear and uncertainty about the future. It's so hard to listen that you reassure the person everything will be fine instead of actually hearing them out. Additionally, it can give off the wrong image of you, making you seem unapproachable or even dishonest.

Toxic positivity can also affect a parent's interactions with their children. Our first instinct may be to reassure a child by telling them, "It's not a big issue," or "Stop weeping; everything is alright." However, teaching youngsters that they shouldn't feel sad or angry sends a message that negative emotions aren't acceptable, and may affect how they think about and express their emotions as they grow up.

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Girls are encouraged to express their emotions, but only those that are perceived as less powerful, like agreeableness, but boys are discouraged from doing so unless those feelings show power, like fury. Specifically, those emotions that are seen as powerful are fostered in boys.

These gendered differences in emotional socialisation can cause men to suppress their feelings, while they can cause women to feel pressured to fake feelings of happiness.

The Impact of Toxic Positivity on Your Life

Trying to be upbeat all the time may not always be a reaction to the suffering of others, but of ourselves. It's normal and healthy to put off facing negative emotions occasionally. But it can be harmful to your mental health if you pretend to have a positive attitude when your emotions are telling you otherwise. In the end, you'll have to make the effort to deal with your sentiments or they'll keep coming back to haunt you until you do.

How Come It Is So Dangerous?

On the general, it's preferable to have a positive outlook. However, if a person is under the impression that they should always look on the bright side of things, they may put off dealing with serious issues or avoid seeking help for mental health problems. They come to the conclusion that they can never be negative, thus this is the result.

People who are overly optimistic may not offer adequate assistance or perhaps make their loved ones feel judged and stigmatised. Some of the risks that come with excessive optimism are as follows.

• Underestimating the seriousness of their condition, people who are being abused may remain in violent relationships due to a positive bias, according to a narrative evaluation of 29 studies on domestic violence published in 2020. Those who tolerated or even forgave their attackers were more likely to suffer further abuse as time went on. Risk was amplified by the presence of optimism, hope, and forgiveness.
• It's common to make the mistake of downplaying the severity of loss's emotional toll. Telling someone to "move on" or "be happy" over and over again can give the appearance that the other person doesn't care about the pain they're going through. For example, if a parent loses a child, they may internalise the message that their kid didn't matter to anyone but them.
• Isolation and stigma: People who feel pressured to maintain a cheerful demeanour in spite of their difficulties may be less likely to reach out for help. As a result of their feelings, they may feel ashamed or alone, which makes it difficult for them to seek help.
• A breakdown in communication is just one of the numerous difficulties that couples experience together. The toxic positivity movement encourages its followers to look past these problems and focus instead on the good things in life. This approach may impede effective communication and the ability to mend damaged relationships.
• A lack of confidence: it's normal to feel down on yourself, and everyone else, sometimes. Toxic positivity encourages people to disregard negative emotions, even if doing so may make such feelings more intense. A person may feel like a failure if they are unable to feel joyful emotions.

Signs

Toxic positivity might be hard to spot, but if you know what to look for, you'll have an easier time recognising it when you see it. The following are examples of indicators:

• Trying to ignore or downplay serious issues.
• The shame I felt was a direct result of the distressing feelings of loss, rage, and disillusionment that I was experiencing.
• Trying to mask your true feelings with uplifting quotes in order to fit in more socially
• Attempting to conceal or disguise one's true emotions.
• Avoiding one's own anxious feelings by minimising those of others.
• Trying to "get over" one's emotions by pretending they don't exist or putting on a happy front in front of other people.

How to Stay Clear of Harmful Positivity?

If you've been affected by toxic optimism or if you recognise this kind of behaviour in yourself, there are steps you can take to develop a better, more helpful view on life. There are actions you can take if either of these describes your current scenario. Take a look at these suggestions:

• You need to learn to cope with negative feelings, but you shouldn't try to suppress them. Unchecked, negative feelings can cause tension, but they may also contain helpful insights that might motivate positive changes in your life.
• Try to tell yourself the truth about how you should be feeling. Feelings of stress, concern, and fear are normal responses to a threatening situation. Don't have unrealistically high standards for yourself. Focus on getting better health and on taking steps to improve your current situation.
• It is normal to experience many different feelings simultaneously. It's normal to feel a range of emotions while confronting a formidable challenge, from worry about what the future holds to confidence that you can overcome it. What you're experiencing is just as confusing as the situation you're in.
• Focus on truly hearing the stories of others and helping those who need it. You shouldn't try to silence someone by employing poisonous platitudes when they express a difficult emotion. Instead, you should tell them that what they're feeling is normal and that you're there to listen if they want to discuss.
• Pay attention to how you feel right now. Sometimes getting inspiration from "positive" social media accounts might help, but it's vital to monitor how you feel after engaging with posts like these. If reading so-called "uplifting" postings leaves you feeling guilty or humiliated, you may be suffering from the effects of poisonous positivity. You might want to limit your time on social media when this happens.

Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling. It's better to allow oneself to feel the pain than to try to avoid it. These feelings are authentic, essential, and warranted. They have the ability to both enlighten you about a situation and point out the aspects of it that you should try to change. It doesn't necessarily mean you should act on every emotion you feel. It's important to give yourself some time and space to sit with your emotions and figure out what to do before you act. This is something that must be done on sometimes. Check this list of Rehabilitation Programmes to help you make an informed decision for your treatment.

Expressing your emotions in a healthy way is especially crucial when going through a difficult time. Maintain a journal or diary. Go have a conversation with a close friend. Writing down your feelings has been shown to help lessen their intensity, so it's worth a try if you're having a tough time dealing with them.

Is It Okay To Have A Pessimistic Attitude?

Humans are unique among animals in their capacity to feel a wide range of emotions, all of which contribute to an individual's well-being and contentment. Anxiety, on the other hand, might be an indicator that a person is in a potentially dangerous situation or that they have a moral qualm, whereas anger is a normal reaction to being mistreated. One's loss might be directly correlated to the depth of their sorrow.

If these emotions aren't acknowledged, neither are the potential responses they inspire. Furthermore, they will not go away if we choose to ignore them or avoid talking about them. Nearly everyone needs guidance in learning how to handle their emotions at some point in their lives. Putting sentiments into words might help a person feel less "incarcerated" by them since the feelings may seem less powerful after being given voice.

Research has shown that verbalising one's emotions, especially unpleasant ones, might help the brain make sense of them. For example, one older study found that the act of verbally articulating and discussing one's emotions was associated with the attenuation of important neuronal circuits in the brain that are responsible for processing those emotions. This finding suggests that verbalising one's emotions can help them feel less overwhelming.

Possible Substitutes For Harmful Positivity

Toxic positivity may be eliminated from your life for good, and here are some techniques to cultivate true optimism.

Putting Mindfulness Into Practice

Cultivating the practise of mindfulness is the starting point for leading a full emotional life. Try out mindfulness by doing something as basic as pausing for a moment of silence and then bringing your attention to how you feel and what else is happening in your body and mind. Don't just focus on one item in your head or body, but on everything going on around you.

Instead of beating yourself up for having bad thoughts or emotions, write them down and let them go. It's crucial that we tune in to our negative feelings, learn from them, and not let them dominate us. When you are feeling relaxed, it is a good time to start studying mindfulness techniques. Thus, you can acquire the skills you'll need to overcome it even while you're feeling more emotionally charged.

Recognize That Emotions Are Instruments To Help You

Think about your emotions not just in terms of how they make you feel, but also what they may teach you or show you. This is one way to train your mind to be more present. There is a physiological and psychological purpose for every emotion. When one receives or sends a sensation, it reveals something about the receiver or sender. Anger and fear alert us to potential danger, whereas joy and contentment foster social interaction and provide a platform for self-expression.

Admit The Mistakes You've Made In Your Relationships.

If you realise, either in retrospect or in the present, that you brushed off a loved one's distress or stifled their attempts to confide in you by flooding the situation with poisonous positivity, you should apologise. This can be done at any time, either at the time it happens or later. We are all human and prone to making mistakes, so if you realise something you said came out as insensitive or dismissive, try not to be too hard on yourself. The most responsible action is to admit the problem and consult a trusted friend or family member about how to handle the situation better next time.